Girlfriends, how do you keep them?

niz406 · Post by **niz406** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:31 am

Guys,

As you all probably know me and the misses of 4 years split, and for weeks now I've been asking myself where I went wrong. It appears that no matter what I do in relationships I never manage to hold on to them or enjoy them as they should be, happy and long lasting.

Ok so technically this was only my second ever relationship ( I'm a bit old fashioned and don't believe in serial dating ) and it lasted 300% longer than my first, yet both of the girls ended it with me because apparently "LOVE, JUST ISN'T ENOUGH" I mean come on, what else am I suppose to give, what else do they want from me....

The recent events have left me thinking that maybe I'm just not a nice guy, and people genuinely just don't like me....

I know I have my faults, as does everyone, hell she had her's but the good things out weighed the bad things, so what is it when two people love each other, fancy each other, but can't be together because love isn't enough?

To me it sounds like a fob off, foul play.... but thats just my insecurities...

I just want to know how you and yours came to be, and how long you've been together and what makes it work for you both.... because it never seems to work for me, so I'm in need of some guidance!

Thanks All

Benner · Post by **Benner** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:48 am

Well i'm hardly a perfect example here. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years now and she got pregnant after being together for just 9 months. Now she's pregnant again and I have another one due in May.

Probably wouldn't suggest that as a method though!

Although saying that I am very happy and wouldn't chanage anything.

Sounds to me buddy that you have just been unlucky and that illusive Miss Right is still waiting to be found.

Post by **Welly** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:41 pm

Women are strange creatures.

When they were children, Daddy would make a big fuss of his girl and he would pick her up in his strong arms and give her a big hug, also when she was sad or hurt herself, then he would comfort her and everything seemed well again i.e. the man has protected her and she feels cared for, special if you like.

They never really loose this natural phenominon. They call it the 'Cinderella Generation'. Girls want to feel special, and loved, and appreciated but this bears down heavy on the man who has trouble recognising when these emotions should be carried out, and when to carry them out.

Be careful not to shower her with inappropriate gifts though as this will have the opposite affect, but a timely bunch of flowers as a thankyou or after something has gone wrong for her will be well received.

Men on the other hand are very simple creatures...A roof over your head for shelter, Beer, Car, TV and a desire to have sex once a day.

A good freind of mine told me years ago that if you want sex with your wife/girlfreind then the foreplay should start the minute you walk through the door. Not literally of course but the attentive and taking an interest work. Don't just wait until you get to the bedroom because then you have not 'earned' it.

You can see there are significant differences here and this often misunderstood area of a relationship is where most fail.

In marriage, a Woman will be truely happy to cook and clean for you if she knows you appreciate it. Similarly if you praise a Women for something she has done well then she is more likely to do it again without complant. Similarly if she buys a new top then tell her the colour really suits her and she has made a good choice. This will help her self confidence (which is very low in most women).

Most Women hate to feel un-appreciated and even if you feel very close to them they don't think your that bothered about it.

They also suffer terribly with there own self image and convince themselves they are unatractive, fat, whatever. They need to know that you like them for the way they are and that you actually love the shape of her curvy bottom etc.

To sumarise, women seek fairly simple and basic reponses from a man, but don't take the piss by opening doors for her etc because that robs her of her own authority.

Hope this helps.

Of course this could all be bollocks

niz406 · Post by **niz406** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:57 pm

Welts that makes total sense,

The only problem being that I do all those things, it was a long distance relationship some 160 miles.... and when ever we see each other we make the most of it and make the time as special as possible.... and its not always perfect, sure there are times when we argue and fall out, but don't most relationships experience that?

We would speak every night on the phone and share texts every day.... we hadn't seen each other for 4 weeks and then this happens... which meakes me question everything about her.... you see she cheated on her ex with me, it was only a kiss but by the by thats cheating! She cheated on her other ex with her last ex and so you see a pattern forming and this is what worries me, what if after everything I was just another guy she used and cheated on?

After all the goof times we've shared and all the things we have done and been through.... not a few weeks earlier she was telling me how smitten she was wth me and how much she loved me, and now this happens..... what am I suppose to think / do???? She has turned my world upside down and I dont quite know what to do !

tux2006 · Post by **tux2006** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:01 pm

Welton's hidden talents as a psychologist/philosopher/relationship counseller evidently displayed in that post

We all know where to come when we have a problem now then

niz406 · Post by **niz406** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:13 pm

Me thinks he just copied and pasted from the iVillage website, an online mag for women lol

or maybe he is just so old that he knows all the tricks in the book!

neildavies · Post by **neildavies** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:44 pm

There's no right or wrong way to take on or keep a relationship. To me though, the "love isn't enough" after 4 years sounds more of an excuse. It's over 11 years now I've been with my wife (married in 2001) and honestly couldn't tell you what we've done right or wrong to keep it lasting this long.
We moved in together after just over 3 years, buying our first house. But a mortgage wasn't what kept us together. It's not kids either, as we haven't got any yet.
Trust is one of the biggest parts of a relationship I think. One thing we do is put our money together. It's a bit old fashioned and not a lot of couples seem to do this nowadays. So basically, both wages go into the same account and we live from that account. We give ourselves money every month which we can go out and spend however we like (Deb spends, I end up building it up). Over the years, sometimes Deb has earned more than me, and I've earned more than her, but any money is "ours". So the furniture, shopping, fuel and the cars are bought by neither one or the other.
Another thing is we tend to do a lot together, go places, socialise etc. I think it's all about enjoying eachother's company. It's something that'll either work or won't.

Post by **Welly** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 2:01 pm

tux2006 wrote:Welton's hidden talents as a psychologist/philosopher/relationship counseller evidently displayed in that post

We all know where to come when we have a problem now then

I don't know how to change a Cambelt or re-shell big end bearings but i do know a thing or two about Women

Nizzy, I feel that the distance is a problem here, makes the trusting thing all that much more difficult (on both sides).

Maybe it's time to move on and eventually out of nowhere you shall meet a nice local girl with a heart of gold.

Captain Jack · Post by **Captain Jack** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:29 pm

Well I am 26 now and still single. I split with my last girlfriend after being with her for 2 months. Mind you, I ended that one as I didn't see it going anywhere. The one previous to that was 2.5 years - that's the one I moan about sometimes as I love her to bits but I don't think she feels the same way. Although, she tends to keep me on a string, which is the worst bit in the world.

Ah women... a bigger mystery than the meaning of life!

Post by **Welly** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:51 pm

Captain Jack wrote:she tends to keep me on a string, which is the worst bit in the world.

Cut that string Captain.....just.....cut it

Captain Jack · Post by **Captain Jack** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:59 pm

Welton wrote:
Captain Jack wrote:she tends to keep me on a string, which is the worst bit in the world.
Cut that string Captain.....just.....cut it

Unfortunately, it's much easier said than done. I stopped talking to her completely last year for about 3 months after which I couldn't contain and made up with her. Then there was a summer BBQ, where she got drunk and things happened. After that I haven't spoken to her till Christmas. On new years day, we both got drunk and again, 'things' happened. After that I've been speaking to her every single day until about 3 weeks ago, when I realised we'd never be together again and told her to f-off and die. But she keeps texting me asking when we'll make up .. again. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Bitch, c&$%..heartless cow... grrrr! (It's faaaar more complicated than the above though....)

Anyway, this is Niz's thread...

Post by **Welly** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:05 pm

f*ck me, here we are talking about women, and all Googlebot (or whatever his f*cking name is) does is advertise Single Women at the bottom of the page

darrenwall · Post by **darrenwall** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 1:56 am

Welton wrote:
Be careful not to shower her with inappropriate gifts though as this will have the opposite affect,
Of course this could all be bollocks

that reminds me of a gift i bought my now ex girlfriend about 6 years ago for her 21st birthday , a brand spanking new shiny .... vacuum cleaner . to say she wasnt impressed is bit of an understatement . i had it thrown back at me and she packed her and our daughters stuff and walked out in tears calling me a few things . she come back after 3 days tho and had the cheek to keep the vacuum and made me buy her something else

lol .
seriously tho we was together for 10 years , had 3 kids and then one day i come home from work to find my bags packed and her saying she wanted to be single

. the bitch got engaged 3 months later so i suspect she wasnt being honest lol. i met a brilliant girl in an aol chatroom last july and we been together ever since so dont beat yourself up too much about it , sh*t happens and you'll find the person you deserve when you least expect it .

niz406 · Post by **niz406** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:32 am

Thanks guys.... I kinda expected what you have all been saying, but how do I make it easier on my self ? How do I get by knowing that I made her feel like sh*t and like there was only one way out...? I've been out tonight with the lads and despite having a good time and a boogy.... I know that the night would have been beter with my ex around and we would have danced together all night and enjoyed it even more ! ! ! !

Its so hard and I feel that my heart and life has just been ripped apart and runied by this one woman....

god, why must I feel like this ! ! !?! ! !

neildavies · Post by **neildavies** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:50 am

I think time is the thing that's going to help things for you here niz. Allthough it won't feel like it now, eventually you'll get over it. Either by inding another girl, or just as time goes on.

Not much consolation for how your feeling now though sorry.