Roadkill - your stories

[Welly]

I squashed a whopping great frog this morning
many years ago I got a moggie when driving a 7.5t truck that made a nice mess of the underside with its innerds splattered all over

Thanks for that.

*throws rest of Beef & Horseradish sandwich in the bin


I know I know I started it/should know better.....

[Doggy]

I know I know I started it/should know better.....

Well, you did mention Skegness without any sort of content warning.

[Welly]

I know, Fat jowly-faced smoking shuffling excuses for women stuffing their faces with inappropriate food with eleventy sticky children in toe, it's the classiest* place on the East Coast

[Uberderv]

One evening on the way home from work I sadly tried to dodge a duck with her ducklings but only managed to miss the ducklings so unfortunately I guess they died/were eaten anyway.

A guy I know, knows a guy who lives next door to a bloke who actually managed to run over his pissed neighbour who had fallen asleep on the drive, he felt the bump and drove forward over the poor blokes legs/pelvis again

[Welly]

Oh noes what a dilemma on my route to work there's some Ducks that like to sit at the side of the road only one of them got squashed last week I noticed. Pardon to any duck-lovers (spelling verified) on here but they appear not to be blessed with much (or any) intelligence

As for the pissed bloke getting run over I just shake my head

[steve_earwig]

Yeah, bloody ducks, if you can't evolve quickly enough to adapt to the modern* world then you all deserve to die.

[DaiRees]

Was the pissed bloke injured? I saw some vids (posted of the Farcebook) recently of drunk people involved in accidents, including one who was run over by a 4X4, and was amazed at how well you can apparently take a beating when you're pissed, all to do with being floppy I suppose.

[highlander]

Ducks are exceptionally aggressive sexual predators. I was at Centerparcs on holiday a couple of years ago, and watched one of the buggers continually pester a female duck (who kept running away), until he eventually got fed up, jumped on her, bit and held on to her neck, and "got on with it". No wonder there's fecking millions of them around the place.

Seagulls are low-intelligence animals. I saw one fly down from a rooftop on to the pavement, then walk across the road, and then fly away again once it got to the other side. They're thieves and muggers, and are only interested in food and in shitting on cars. The ones around here are HUGE, too. I have no desire to be cruel to animals, but with seagulls - I'd just like to take a running kick at them, rugby style.

[Welly]

Yeah, bloody ducks, if you can't evolve quickly enough to adapt to the modern* world then you all deserve to die.

I probably sounded a bit unfair but I kinda meant I've seen things about Ducks; like where the ducklings hatch on a window ledge 10mtrs above a pavement or at a busy roadside etc, these ones I see are literally in the curb and walk out on you at any time they seems to live dangerously in a way. Most 'birds' get out of the way but maybe ducks are acting cool and won't be hurried.

[Doggy]

Why did the seagull cross the road?

[highlander]

maybe ducks are acting cool and won't be hurried.

Except when they go from 0-60 immediately...

[Welly]

Why did the seagull cross the road?

To rescue the Chicken?

[Uberderv]

Was the pissed bloke injured? .

Yes seriously, the numpty had fallen asleep with his legs etc under his neighbours car. The neighbour reverses to go about his business in the car, feels a bump then drives forward over him again, stops the car to check what the fook is going on and discovers him half crushed.

The guy lived but spent a long time in hospital.

[steve_earwig]

Ducks are exceptionally aggressive sexual predators.

As are quite a few birds, next time you see a Christmas car with a robin on it remember that they're rapists and murderers... I remember seeing an interview with that mad feminist Germaine Greer where she was comparing men to roosters who just jumps on any hen they want without asking first. I'm not sure if she was saying the usual "men are all rapists" bollocks or she was telling us that monogamous relationships are unnatural...

I'd just like to take a running kick at them, rugby style.

Oddly enough, I sometimes feel that way about kids.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that you're right, animals are stupid but they're only stupid compared to us, (supposedly) the most intelligent species on the planet- Animals have as much intelligence as they needed to live before man came along, they've been like it for millions of years so it's hard for them to evolve to deal with man in the short time man has been predominant on the planet. So, when our paths cross, and the animal is injured or killed, whose fault is it? Is it the duck for not adapting quickly enough, or is it man's fault for not taking the duck into consideration? Who put a road next to the pond, was it a duck? Was Mrs. Duck mad for building her nest 30 feet in the air, or was it because something scared her and her instincts told her to build it out of reach? What are seagulls looking for on the road? Roadkill perhaps?

Sorry, it's just the way I feel at the moment, I even felt sorry for the walnut saplings I lawnmowered yesterday